newest

older

e-mail

profile

diaryland

rings

template by
elegant masque

2015-04-05
I can't take it anymore

So...

A told me that she wanted a distraction on Saturday, 4/4. Her family has moved away, and it was her brother's birthday. She wanted to go out and do something.

Pardon me, I'm erasing a lot of typos as I write, I'm more than a little drunk. My sentence structure is probably not up to my usual standards. At least I'm not too drunk to see my typos.

We went to the Ren Faire. It is a nice one in Irvine. We were there for the opening day. And for one brief shining golden moment we were holding hands as we walked from one area to another.

I tried later, and was not able to, but still. For one golden moment we walked hand in hand. And it was the greatest feeling in the world.

And that is what I can't take anymore. I want her so badly, and I'm not going to have her. I want to abandon my life, and spend the rest of it with A.

But I won't. I'm married to R, and I'm not going to break my promise to R. A promise is a promise, and the closest I've ever come to disloyalty is in my imagination, and in holding hands. Yet holding hands was enough to mess me up all the next day.

A, I love you. I love you almost as much as my kids and more than any other person.

<-- -->