2006-02-06
Another kid

My wife may be pregnant again.

Oh boy.

I didn't want to be a dad in the first place, and although I'm devoted to AJ, I really cannot go through this again, at least not so soon.

No, I can't do it.

Not yet.

But I might have to do it again.

Or I might just shoot myself.

Lately I feel like there's less and less of me. More and more I do just for them. I am a beast of burden, and I burden and work to give them the best life that I can, without regards for me.

I felt this way ever since my wife asked me what I wanted for Valentine's day. I didn't know. I still don't know. Everything I want has been put on hold so that I can take care of my family. I want to fix my motorcycle. I want to go to law school. I want to stay in California.

I'm not fixing my motorcycle, I'm not going to law school, and I may be moving to Arizona. All for my family.

So what do I want for Valentine's day? I have no idea. That's not the sort of thing I think about. Not anymore.

I can't have another kid yet.

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