2002-11-20
Hoping Hope is Not Lost - even though everything else is

Are things better or worse? It's hard to say.

The girlfriend called Monday night to tell me she never wanted to speak to me again. While I have supported her though difficult times in the past, she said she believes she will not get any return on the emotional support she is giving me while I am at this extremely low point in my life.

I spoke to some of my ex-coworkers yesterday. I am trying to find something to do for Thanksgiving. I believe I found something. While talking to them, I told a good friend of mine how I was feeling. Every time I think about how I'm feeling I tend to break down, so I don't think about it. He realized that I needed help. He took me out to dinner and a movie, and we talked quite a bit. I am finding people to talk to, which is good considering that one of those closest to me no longer speaks to me.

Well, the job hunt isn't going quickly, but I think that the unemployment check process has been restarted successfully. I called their voice mail, and I think it told me a check had been issued. I'm not sure, and still need to constantly check the mail, but I am starting to recover some slight bits of hope. If the checks do come in, I can again say I can survive until I get a job.

Of course, I might go ahead and move my furniture into storage and move in with the Guard, but that is still a better option than Active Duty, the Parents, or shooting my fucking brains out.

I just hope that my hope isn't dashed. If it is, I am not in any shape to handle it.

Ok, I almost lost this entry, my computer started freaking out on me. Fortunately, this screen became active again after AOL booted me. I had to Ctrl-Alt-Delete to close AOL though. As we speak, I'm running a Norton Diagnostic.

Back to my life? Why not. I might have the possibility of the hope of maybe having things turn out well in the short term. Whether or not they will is unknown to me.

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