2013-10-17
Listening to country

Gods help me, I'm listening to country music. The song is "Holding her and loving you." It speaks to me although my case isn't as extreme.

Not nearly as extreme.

But the central theme is the same, loving one, but not betraying the other. I still love R although I love A more. And I'm not going to do anything to R that would hurt her even though I love A.

First I made a promise. I intend to keep my promises.

Second, A isn't that interested in guys.

Third, even if she was, she isn't interested in married guys.

Fourth, she wouldn't be interested if I was the kind of guy who would hurt R to have A.

So my best chance with A is to be faithful to R. I'm sure the word "irony" fits in here somewhere. I mean, if I'm faithful to R I won't do anything with A, but my best chance with A is to be faithful to R. Sort of a catch-22.

But I force myself to be good to R even though I wish I was holding A. I really do wish it was her even though it isn't. I would give my soul to be with A, except that never works out.

<-- -->